there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
