I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We're too hungover to prance.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
