I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
