he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
