I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
it's like iHOP with fire
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
