I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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