Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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