Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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