dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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