She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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