I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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