I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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