Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
