i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
