I'll bet she douches with gravy.
do herpes really smell.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
