I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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