Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
