i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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