and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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