need another drink. this is the easiest way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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