All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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