Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize