I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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