He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
