just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
