More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
