Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
