Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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