Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize