Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
