nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
