Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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