I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
