i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
