two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
