We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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