They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
