What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
