you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
