I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
