Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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