i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
