He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
