Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
