it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
