Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
