Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize