the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize