Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You are the jesus of drinking
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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