woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize