There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
