it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
