He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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