This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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