Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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