Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
