so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
