well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
