You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
