Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
