I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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