her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
