I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
