I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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