Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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