So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he thought i was a dude.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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