Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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