I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
