I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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