im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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